I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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