I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
