Define "chronic" masturbator.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
