I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
