so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
