did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So squirting runs in the family.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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