i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
