i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
