So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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