ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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