who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
