it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
