Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
