On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
