That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
