He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
