Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
