i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
