Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
