How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize