she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
