I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
