Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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