yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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