I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
