it wasn't lemon gatorade
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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