Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
operation harelip BJ is a go
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
