now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize