Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
