dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
