Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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