it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
