I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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