Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
