idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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