dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
