please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
