I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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