I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
