i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
