I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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