im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
