There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
