The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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