she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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