trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
