the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
