Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
