spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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