The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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