i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
