i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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