if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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