why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
