Already got asked if we're dating
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We are two peas in an std pod
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
