Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
