fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
