she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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