When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
