They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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