My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
