Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
