where am i from again
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
