Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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