i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
