So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
