My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think I sprained my soul last night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize