Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
