Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
