Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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