We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
