Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
