i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
