You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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