everyone is single if you try hard enough
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize