she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
