Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
