we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize