guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Randomize
