yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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