I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
