god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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