sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize