he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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