I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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