sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
