I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm like, not good at living.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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