I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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