you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
