Apparently you make a good broom.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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