and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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