You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize