Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
