I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
