Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
