Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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